Standing on a fork path

Hello!

I guess it has been quite some time since I'm gone from... literally anywhere except tumblr and facebook. Long story short, I have been unemployed since the start of 2016. As of why, I cannot say. There are things that cannot be said in this blog. I thought that I would be totally unemployed but I got freelance work last month and it was kinda okay.


After working like a horse for a year, unemployment actually doesn't feel that bad. Everyone keep consoling me but I'm actually happy to quit. It feels like I have the door opened for me, the door to everything new, to drag me out from my anxiety and insecurity.

I also got a lot of time for myself, to think about a lot of things. Usually I always have plan B or plan C but right now I have nothing. Some people trying to convince me to stay in Korea but I actually just want to go back to Indonesia. My dad said that it was because I didn't come home for 2 years straight. He said I just missed Indonesia, but not missing to live in Indonesia. I think he is right but I have no job, and living here for months will only drain my money. My only problem is my house in Korea right now. According to the contract, I have to live here until April 2016. I successfully persuade my landlord to reduce it a month so I can quit my house on March 2016.

These days I think a lot. What do I really want to do?

To my surprise, my answer is: I don't know.

Some people might find this normal, but I'm not that kind of person. My head is usually packed with ideas and plans. But suddenly, I totally start 2016 on a blank space (no, this is not a Taylor Swift's reference).

I self proclaim myself as an artist, but is that really true? Except for my college assignment, I seldom draw anymore. I worked as a designer, but I didn't really draw or create stuff on other days anymore. There is one thing that my coworker said: "Do you really have passion in this field?"—which made me angry at that time. But now... I feel upset because it was true. I lost my passion in drawing since... I don't know. I don't even remember when did I got very excited to hold my pencil and search a nice paper to sketch on to.

Blogging has been part of my life. It has its up and down too. Before I blog here, I was very active in livejournal (oh, those old days, and please don't ask what my LJ blog was. It's kinda embarrassing). Last year was the down part. Office life totally tied me down. My head was a mess. I couldn't think clearly and I didn't have any passion to do anything to be honest. I just wanted a long holiday but I didn't get it.

Now I am thinking to refurnish this blog. It might take awhile. I am planning to move this blog to my own domain. I am also currently in a personal project and I hope everything would turn up great. I love getting busy with writing, drawing, and art stuff but I'm battling procrastination every day. My current work space is awful and uncomfortable. It just urged me to procrastinate all day.

I am also happy to tell you guys that I'm coming back home in April! Five years in Korea is pretty much enough. I can't wait to meet my friends and probably take a new journey after resting a few weeks at home.

Stay positive, be creative. See you next time~


Gabriela Tio.

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